My way or the highway, that’s how I roll.
This hasn’t been easy, not that I expected this to be puppies in tutus and unicorns distributing free chocolate chip cookies on top of down comforters. The physical effects are done (ie, eyes wrapped in Saran wrap or microfiber cloths and being unable to complete sentences). Now I just feel like I did 6 years ago. Except with more wrinkles. And thinner (for now).
Recipe for Insanity: Food issues, plus a healthy dose of PMS. What you get: A 7 pound weight gain in ten days, and for each pound, an inch off of your hair, which you spontaneously decide to do after 2 glasses of wine, and upon exiting the bar, take note of a Super Cuts.
I didn’t lose my husband though, who has been exceedingly patient. He spoils me. I love you, my DB.
For 29.25 years there has been a constant fight going on inside me (I really do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, to preface this, despite the delightful mix of mental illnesses that run in my family) – I call this Lucy versus Ethel. Lucy is my brain - she has bright blonde hair, experiments with chemicals (legal and illegal), screams at people when she feels like it, drinks entirely too much on a regular basis, and eats her body weight in Lays potato chips, or chocolate chip cookies if she is really on fire! She also wears a monkey costume, or nothing at all if she is feeling quite vivacious.
Ethel is my mind. She makes a to-do list every day, writes down everything she eats with the corresponding WW points, exercises, wears underwear every day, stays on budget, on task, on point. Her teeth have been cleaned on a biyearly basis, has had her yearly physical. She chooses to read fine literature instead of watching poor reality television and her house is neat, she folds her husband’s underwear for him, and makes him deliciously creative sandwiches for lunch each morning. She wears a pressed outfit from Banana Republic.
Lucy and Ethel do not get along. They constantly argue with each other. While Lucy is quite likable, follow what she says and you will end up jobless, and 200 pounds, and she will desert you, fat and alone, while Ethel says, “I told you so, sweetheart.”
It is a constant battle of Lucy versus Ethel. Fighting is exhausting! But it is exciting! When you have ADHD, your brain is like a magnet, searching around for excitement! Stimulation seeking behavior! Exclamation points are fun!
LUCY VERSUS ETHEL – FIGHT NUMBER 1,100,656 – 9/12/2010:
Lucy – OH LOOK. Lays Potato Chips and Onion Dip – let’s eat the whole bowl! You can slather yourself with the leftover dip as moisturizer and lick yourself clean!
Ethel – Shut up, Lucy. Sarah, you have been pretty good today. Let’s stay on track! Eat a few chips and write them down (them points)!
George (my stomach) – HUNGRY!
Lucy – Have a little wine. OK good. Have a little more. (Lucy is very smart and very sneaky.) Isn’t it great being intoxicated? (Lucy knows wine impairs Ethel.)
Enter carrot cake.
George – THIS ROCKS! BRING IT.
Ethel – Absolutely not.
George and Lucy (in unison) – Shut up Ethel – we are drunk and going to kick your ass. Ethel exits, carrot cake enters body.
With the Strattera, Lucy was more of a whisper, a little quiet monkey, someone you could ignore and move away from, with no carrot cake consumed. Ethel, while reserved, could be heard loud and clear.
Without it, Lucy is a 150 pound gorilla (I just revealed my body weight on the internet, great) foaming at the mouth, AND SHE WILL NOT BE IGNORED. And she kicks Ethel’s ass.
That is my synopsis of my mind/brain battle. The battle of logic versus instinct. It is quite exhausting.
I know this could be a heck of a lot worse. I could have a life threatening illness, and not know the outcome, or be in control of it. In this case, I know what I need to do here. I have a gained a lot of knowledge over the past 29.26 years, especially throughout the past year. It is just a matter of implementing it, and telling Lucy to shut the hell up. Am I really going to let a spongy mass of tissue win this battle? It could be so much worse. Ok, the lame self pep talk will end now.
OTHER NEWS THAT I WANT TO KEEP TRACK OF:
Suddenly I have the desire to do things that I have been procrastinating with. I changed my name, finalized my wedding video, and photos. I also framed my Ketubah and wedding invite. (Side note: HOLY HELL IS FRAMING EXPENSIVE.)
Mind drugs are weird and do more harm than good, in certain cases, I will say this over and over. MAKE THEM YOUR LAST RESORT. That is my PSA. Why am I suddenly willingly able to do stuff like this versus 3 weeks ago? Who the hell knows – brains are weird but so are drugs. It’s a totally different story if you are a paranoid schizophrenic, in that case, pop those babies like tic tacs!
DB and I are trying to spice up our marriage (not through those ways you filthy-minded person) in fun ways, so we have implemented Friday night date night. We make tasty dinners and do my favorite activity, eating. Did you think I was going to say something else?
Friday night we made pan-caramelized halibut with a brown butter and white wine sauce, and white truffle risotto with a mushroom medley. Cooking together is fun, until I have a violent outburst (I only had one). It also helps us with our communication (eg, DB, don’t pour that searing hot oil on my leg! I am not wearing pants, not that pants would help!).
We also discovered the magic of BLACK TRUFFLE OIL. Sounds expensive, but in reality is $7.99 of pure heaven. I want to put it on everything!
I also purchased the red leather handbag of my dreams. See below. I love you HomeGoods. Thank you Junior Drake.
Is it time for lunch yet?
